i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
