he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
