Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
