she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
