did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
