I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
