Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
