I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
