We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
