she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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