Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize