the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
