i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
