Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
