where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The Olympian is in my bed
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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