Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
