He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
