Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
