Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize