What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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