We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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