I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
