I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
did i walk over a car last night?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
