I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
