Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
