If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
