I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
