I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
