Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
