Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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