I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
