i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
