Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize