EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
