dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
