I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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