I think I won the penis lottery.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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