driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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