Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize