She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
