i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
