Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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