hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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