Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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