I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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