The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
