How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
