do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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