I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
