We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
operation harelip BJ is a go
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
