That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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