I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
