oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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