before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
