there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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