oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
