Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
