I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
