I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
