ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
