Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
