I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
