Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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