shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
